Water (Broadly Wet) Standards Act 1988

1 Short title

This Act may be cited as the Water (Broadly Wet) Standards Act 1988.

2 Objects

The object of this Act is to ensure that every fish lives in water that is, in the fish's opinion, broadly wet.

3 Definitions

In this Act:

broadly wet means wet to a standard that a reasonable fish would accept without filing anything.

water change means the removal of some water and its replacement with other water that looks the same but is, the Registry is assured, different.

dechlorinator means a liquid that a human adds to water while reading the label for the first time, every time.

4 Wetness standard

(1) Water in a bowl must be broadly wet.

(2) Water that is not broadly wet is ice, steam or a rumour, and is not water for the purposes of this Act.

5 Temperature

Water must be kept at a temperature the fish would describe as "nice", being between 24 and 28 degrees, or "like a bath, but not a hot bath".

6 Clarity

(1) Water must be sufficiently clear that the fish can be seen from the front of the bowl.

(2) Water that is clear only from the side is clear for the purposes of a round bowl, to which the front does not yet apply.

(3) Subsection (2) was inserted, removed and inserted again in 2004, 2005 and 2006 respectively, and the Registry asks that it now be left alone.

7 Water levels

The water level in a bowl must be at least high enough to cover the fish, and preferably high enough to cover the fish's ambitions.

8 Duty to change water

A human must change some of the water regularly, and must use a dechlorinator in accordance with section 9.

9 Dechlorinator

(1) A dechlorinator must be added in the quantity stated on the label.

(2) A human who cannot find the label because it has worn off must add "about a capful" and then look it up later.

10 Relocation stress

A fish temporarily moved into a cup during a water change is entitled to a moment of quiet acknowledgement upon return, as provided in Form W-27.

11 Water inspectors

(1) The Registrar may appoint Water Inspectors.

(2) A Water Inspector may inspect any water, but must not put a finger in it without asking the fish.

12 Inspection reports

A Water Inspector must report on the water using one of the following findings: "wet", "broadly wet", "wet-ish", or "please see me".

13 Algae

Green growth on the glass is not a breach of this Act, and is to be regarded as a small garden the fish did not ask for.

14 Offence of leaving the bowl dry

A person must not cause a bowl to become dry while a fish is in it. This is the only serious section in this Act and the Registry means it.