Frequently asked questions

No. This is a work of satire and social art. It is not a government website, it is not affiliated with any government agency, and none of the laws, forms, fees or conditions on it are real. Owners are advised to care for their fish in accordance with advice from a veterinarian or a reputable aquarium supplier.

Possibly. Please consult the Register of Notifiable Conditions, then consult a mirror, then consult your fish. The fish is likely to say nothing.

This matter is before the Round Bowl Front Determination Inquiry, which commenced in 1987. The Inquiry is making good progress.

Technically yes, under regulation 4 of the Bubble-Nest Planning Regulations 1994. In practice, the approval is deemed to have been given 30 minutes later, by which time the nest has been built, admired and partly demolished.

No. Your fish is a tenant of the castle under the Ornament Tenancy and Castle Occupancy Regulations 1999. You are the landlord. The landlord is required to maintain the little flag in good repair.

One bubble per week, or as many bubbles as the fish feels like. Rent cannot be increased by more than one bubble a year.

Please stand near the bowl and think about what you have done for at least 30 seconds, as required by section 10 of the Tap-on-Glass (Prohibition) Ordinance 2015. The person may then resume their ordinary activities.

You may insert a middle name using Form N-02. Popular options include "Thug Reginald Math" and "Thug Unexpected Math". The name "Thug Math" has been taken since 1987 and is not expected to become available.

This service is administered by the affiliated site, Fake Fighting Fish. Applicants should select the "Register your fish" link in the menu.

No. Every fee in the Fee Schedule is fictional, and most of them are $0.00 or a number of bubbles. There are only two real prices on this site: the optional $3.49 AUD Official Fighting-Fish Owner's Handbook (a joke PDF, on the Support the Registry page) and the optional A$19 First 30 Days guide (a real betta care PDF, in Real Care). Both prices are shown clearly before you pay.

The Annual Report is entirely fictional. Every statistic in it was invented for comedic purposes and is clearly labelled as such.

Because it is what the Registry is good at. The single exception is Paperwork-Induced Fin Droop, for which letters of any firmness are not recommended.

Complainants are required to follow the complaints process, which comprises several steps. The Registry is aware of where the final step leads.

For real questions and refunds, email the address on the Contact us page. The Registry itself has no phone number and a street address that is a shelf.

Federal Aquatic Knowledge Exchange, Fighting-Fish Standards Integrity and Husbandry. It is a made-up body, and so is everything it publishes.

Owners concerned about a real fish should consult a veterinarian or a qualified aquarium specialist. The conditions listed on this site are jokes and must not be used to diagnose anything.

The Registry sells two things, both optional, one-off PDFs: the entirely nonsensical Official Fighting-Fish Owner's Handbook for $3.49 (AUD), which supports the art project, and, in the separate Real Care section, the A$19 First 30 Days guide of genuine betta care. Members of the public are under no obligation to purchase either.

The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP is a fictional minister, for a fictional portfolio, in a fictional government. Any resemblance to a real minister would be very surprising to everyone involved.