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Ministerial statements

Statements, releases and clarifications of earlier statements from The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP, Minister for Bowls, Bubbles and Related Moisture (fictional).

The Minister, the portfolio and the government are all fictional.

12 October 2026 · Media release

Statement on the Round Bowl Front Determination Inquiry

I rise today to update the community on the Round Bowl Front Determination Inquiry, which has now been sitting for 39 years.

I can confirm that the Inquiry is making good progress. Last month the Inquiry walked all the way around a round bowl and reported that it had seen the front at least once, but could not say when.

I thank the Inquiry members for their patience, their stamina and their excellent walking shoes. A final report is expected shortly, as it has been since 1988.

The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP, Minister for Bowls, Bubbles and Related Moisture (fictional)

30 August 2026 · Media release

Statement on Pellet Security

Our nation's pellets are safe.

I want to reassure every fish that the government is committed to pellet supply, pellet quality and, above all, pellet regularity, in accordance with section 4 of the Pellet Distribution and Disappointment Act 1991.

I acknowledge that many fish feel they are not receiving enough pellets. I hear you. I see you staring. The answer is still no.

The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP, Minister for Bowls, Bubbles and Related Moisture (fictional)

2 July 2026 · Media release

Statement on the Tap-on-Glass Awareness Campaign

Today I launch "The Fish Can See You", a national awareness campaign about tapping on the glass.

The campaign features a sign, the sign says "Please Do Not Tap", and the sign has been placed near every bowl in the Registry's head office, which is one bowl.

Early results are encouraging. Tapping has fallen by 100 per cent among people who have read the sign and agreed with it.

The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP, Minister for Bowls, Bubbles and Related Moisture (fictional)

14 April 2026 · Media release

Statement on the Missing Part 3

Part 3 of the Bubble-Nest Planning Regulations 1994 remains missing.

I have instructed the Department to leave no folder unopened. So far we have opened 14,000 folders and found 9,000 pens, a sandwich of historical interest and a 1996 calendar with a picture of a castle.

We have not found Part 3. Anyone with information should lodge Form FF-999. No questions will be asked, except where the folder was.

The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP, Minister for Bowls, Bubbles and Related Moisture (fictional)

1 January 2026 · Media release

New Year Message to the Fish of the Nation

To every fish, in every bowl, tank, vase and novelty brandy glass: happy new year.

This year we will deliver cleaner water, warmer temperatures and fewer surprises from breathing treasure chests.

Above all, we will continue to respect the sovereignty of every fish over its Realm, except at feeding time, at water-change time and whenever the bowl needs to be moved. Thank you.

The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP, Minister for Bowls, Bubbles and Related Moisture (fictional)

9 November 2025 · Media release

Statement Clarifying an Earlier Statement

Earlier this week I said that the government would "get to the bottom of the bowl".

I wish to clarify that I was speaking figuratively. No official has entered a bowl. No official will enter a bowl.

I apologise to the gravel for any concern caused.

The Hon. Marina Finsworth-Gill MP, Minister for Bowls, Bubbles and Related Moisture (fictional)

Last updated: 19 October 2026. This page has been reviewed by the Committee for Reviewing Pages, which determined that it is a page.