Reflective Surfaces (Identity Protection) Act 2009

1 Short title

This Act may be cited as the Reflective Surfaces (Identity Protection) Act 2009.

2 Purpose

The purpose of this Act is to reduce the number of fish who believe that a rival lives in the glass.

3 Definitions

In this Act:

reflection means an image of a fish appearing on a surface, which looks exactly like the fish, moves exactly like the fish and is, regrettably, the fish.

reflective surface includes glass, polished ornaments, the back of a spoon held near the bowl, and a human's sunglasses.

rival means a fish that is not the fish, and does not include a reflection.

4 Declaration of identity

It is declared that a reflection of a fish is that fish and not another fish.

5 Presumption

In any proceeding, a fish appearing in the glass is presumed to be a reflection, unless it is wearing different fins.

6 Location of reflections

A reflection is located outside the Realm for the purposes of the Bowl Sovereignty Act, section 9, and accordingly cannot claim any part of the gravel.

7 Counselling

(1) A fish experiencing Reflective Confrontation Syndrome may access counselling.

(2) Counselling consists of the pamphlet "It Is You, and That Is Okay", read aloud by a human in a calm voice.

8 Arbitration

(1) A dispute between a fish and its reflection may be referred to arbitration.

(2) The arbitrator must declare the dispute a draw.

(3) This is the 4,112th consecutive draw and the Registry is very proud of the consistency.

9 Lighting

A human must not arrange lighting so as to make the reflection appear larger than the fish, as this is considered unsporting.

10 Spoons

A person must not hold a spoon near a bowl for the purpose of introducing a fish to itself.

11 Sunglasses

A person wearing reflective sunglasses must remove them before looking closely at a fish, or at least apologise.

12 Penalties

The penalty for a contravention of this Part is a firm letter, which must be read aloud to the person by the fish, which cannot read, so the letter is filed instead.